how to hold a narcissist accountable

So, I finally left him in December. He said he hates himself and directs that hate to me, but that it is his own selfhate. If there is anyone who can possibly help us with the legal stuff, we would greatly appreciate it. Good luck everyone. He is already beginning to poison them as punishment or me. . We are about to meet up this Saturday night after not seeing each other for 3 weeks.. Thank you!. And yet, Id give anything to turn back the hands of time and find a way to work through thisbelieving in my heart that we could both emerge more whole and healed and have a wonderful life! If your energy comes from a place of love but no nonsense they will know that they are loved and will not persist in attacking you. Then I will return to my friend and find a little bit more have changed since the last time and I pray alot too. As many people have pointed out here, I try to reason with someone who seems to have the emotional and rational capability of an eight year old. He is about to deploy and so we do need to discuss and make decisions on how we are going to handle things while he is gone but he wont make a decision and wants to fight instead so he can avoid the subject everytime. He abandons almost daily conversations/e mails/helping me. I tried to help someone that I thought I cared about every day for a year and in the end, I ended up trying to hold on to her to the point where she consciously decided she would blatantly lie to the police about any contact, even coincidental, which resulted in me being arrested for STALKING her even though my contacts with her consisted of 5 phone calls none of which consisted of anything but the question why? There are times I just want to say enough! Sure, I back-slid some, but mostly I made forward progress. he of course was perfect and still is. Tanya and Genelle, My story is the same too :/. 2 Say "no" when they ask for favors. In my case, the steps I implemented helped me face my co-dpendency and make strides to getting out of it fairly quickly. He knew it would be very hard for me to obtain a job in Germany. You need to say that he will need to pay the excess or you will be forced to contact his work (parents) about the claim requesting that the excess be paid out of his pay. This is, both practically and morally, bad advice. The narcissist's inability to act conscientiously in a relationship illuminates his or her lack of empathy. Thanks for listening, and thanks Kim for continuing to keep this subject alive with informative articles and discussions. And even hope disappears into the sea blindness. Once a. How do we build trust, if my N is not willing to keep a promise? Im human. It should be stressed however that this . And me in my unrequited love stage and I am married to someone else.Long story and my wife knows about our relationship. Butterfly is my chosen name because if you help a catteiller out of its cocoon it will die. Just call me the narcissist repellent 6 mo They respond VIOLENTLY. Aue, what to do when theres a little one involved? I found out after many years that my father had these traits, and I dated several men over the years very much like him. I feel it is OK to set the boundry that he needs to decide what he wants or I will have to make decisions on my Own. She did not present any evidence but seems to have scared the wits out of my male bosses as she implied shed make a sexual harassment claim against them if they did nt follow suit. My blood pressure is now normal again and I like myself again. I have worked hard the last two years, but short of losing my own identity to stay in the marriage I needed to rescue me and build a new life. The man could argue a ridiculous point. He was right. If you ever disagree with a narcissist, want something different, or challenge them in any way, expect a word salad. So many times he had me convenced that I am the crazy one, when contridicting himself, lying, when all the while the intuition told me, I should trust my instincts to believe him, so I blindly trusted him to find out I was lied to over and over again. I really am too frightened. I met my friend over 30 years ago. If you want to forge a new path you must vow not to get stuck in those endless hours anymore. It has totally changed my marriage. Your indifference is their kryptonite. And I am practicing to manage my own defence. Listening to her say mom its to heavy, I cant do it and me having to apologize to her for making her do it. (first disbelief, then unreal grief, then disbelief, grief, etc etc) Rather stuck in a cycle of griefIt doesnt seem like anyone could fake love as good as thatand yet, it isnt the kind of love one would want or expect from a husband, or at least he is unwilling (unable) to do that now! However he keeps asking for more and then tries to blame me for having credit and being able to handle my finances as if it is my fault he cant handle his. Kim, you also say about leaving accountability to others. I had only met them twice but commanded you for wanting to help them and said yes. Remember its ok to be alone and in these cases its better to be alone. 3) You wanted to clean up your credit and had a car repo on it. In the end, I regret trying to make him feel consequences. This had 2 effects. July 16, 2020. . The only way to reach someone like this is through the pain of consequence. How to hold a Narcissist accountable..Holding a Narcissist accountable requires having some type of leverage against them. Well see how long that will last. (2) Damaged my car I have been scared of him & Several times I have ran to my car, locking the doors to get away from him& when I refuse to leave safety of my car, he threatens to damage my car if I dont get out of it, which has resulted in: door Handel ripped off, entire windshield wiper broken off, Three big dents in my door, cracked windshield and him keying my car. WOW very interesting since we are just going thru an episode of what you describe Kim. (felt he didnt love me and felt I didnt have a partner). So many of you sound as if youre writing about my husband. He also sexually assaulted our 4 year old one night during a drunken binge and was arrested but got off on a technicality even though CPS said there was no doubt it happened and all of us are in counseling due to the additional verbal and psychological abuse. I am so relieved to read LadyJanes post (response no. He never leaves them unattended and puts so much pressure on them not to want to see me. Learn yours also. He was mad, but he has not been pushing this limit since. And this already had effects. Its just he has been so good about making me feel bad if I dont help him out and making it out to be me not loving him. Most of our issues now revolve around money. I did not understand how I was allowing others to have such unhealthy control over me. I believed him about the stuff about his EX, why wouldnt I, who would have thought a man could make up such immoral disgusting things about another person. He will call me up, complain about work and when I tell him maybe he should try to work it out this way, I get lectured about its his job and should I expect him to go fight with his boss? On another site I read that A true relationship with these people is impossible A relationship of sorts is possible if you are prepared to put in a lot of hard work and be very strong but it might never equal what you deserve and what can be achieved when two people truly love and respect each other. Ive been married 6 yrs but only been going thru this for about 2 yrs. I also know I hang onto him, at least by calling his answering machine almost every night once or twice because when I hear his voice mail greeting, I remember the good times between us, which were years ago and I dont have any replacements. In hopes that others may see and be able to decide what is best for them. I have been married for 15 years with two kids with my husband. Even to a point that it appears to be his decision letting you off the hook. Slavery works like that; not freedom. They say they are sensitive, but the behavoir is undermining and abusive and can rip a person to pieces, even if they keep their cool, underneath that one can see that they are seething, but they will never admitt it. They can tell you anything to make you feel sorry for them, sometimes when they do get it, they even apologize: but, so soon they repeat, rendering the apology useless. You are right on target. Im here to look for tools, connect with people with common problems, AND offer my unique story as well. These times are probably gone forever. Unbelievable. He goes to the himalayas next month on sabbatical for two months and I am praying to God he realizes how much he has hurt me and how much I truly love him and decides to change on his own. I finally questioned it. He had to pay several fines and now faces jail. Living with individuals with NPD means accepting the facts of 1) being the only adult in the relationship and 2) giving empathy and recieving empathy. Although hes only hit me once and I know that sounds like denial but believe me when I tell you I have made it very clear to him that if he does it again one of us is goin to jail and one of us is goin to the hospital. I would not let him believe he could get away with it with me. Then used access to them as a way of continuing to control me. I thought that maybe I missed reading something. 6 Cut off all contact with them if you can. Hi Elaine and welcome (-: Stepping out of the way of the consequences you describe would mean having him charged and put in jail for his assaults on you. So nice to get your response and timely! He has been a major womanizer and into porno all my married life. Another reveals the. That might not sound like much to some people for us we were lucky to go 5 days without something happening. Sometimes we could go for months without one good day. Forget Counselling..these people are great liars..I got Kims books..they do work. I know this is his way of turning this back onto me. And he was just as cool and calm. I have had yet another bereavement recently (my mother) i have had 3 in just under 3 years and have found it very difficult to flatline ie show no emotion ever in his precense. Working with a qualified mental health professional experienced in treating victims of abuse is important. Sometimes, the best way to hold a narcissist accountable is to take the proverbial bull by the horns and directly, and (unwaveringly) address their behavior. So hard to get out of my marriage for many reasons. I have been working on our attachment and his security to me before I say anything. I will be fine. 7 Alexia Demidova The Truth: Once you know, you know and can never unlearn it. For myself and my family, I divorced in 1983 without ever understanding about NPD. We are going to change this? Very subtle and not the sort that you can bring others in on. I understand why women with children with the narcissist stay with the NPD because of the children hoping things will change and get better, they have committed to marraige and family. I was confused and insecure. I have two kids by her.. Everything is my fault.. Idk if the meds are real or not.. She dont take responsibility, or account. Everyone makes choices, let them be formed by their consequences. He is unwilling to change I have tried to work it our for my kids sake hes a good dad Just a lousy husband or even friend to me and I will be the bad guy if I divorce him because no one sees it or wants to.